


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,158

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [41]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 19:52:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7697392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The weekly satirical saga continues, as Obi-Wan finally comes face to face with the mysterious Kilgore. </p>
<p>www.ramblingsofacrazyoldhermit.com</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,158

TATOOINE - Day 1,158:

It's been over a month since we were attacked by the three stooges of bounty hunters, and their failed attempt to abduct Chewbacca. It's been over a month since we kidnapped Boba Fett, tied him up, and roofied the crap out of him. He, of course, completely bugged out, escaped, and stole my landspeeder. And it's been over a month since we've come into contact with any of these a-holes that make my life miserable, including the mysterious Kilgore. 

I'm still without a landspeeder. However, during the last month Chewbacca has built me a new mud hut, to replace the one Boba Fett blew up. It's in a different location, and having my new address unlisted will hopefully keep away the scummy villains that keep showing up at my door. Chewie did a fairly decent job constructing my hut, although the ceilings are a tad high for my liking. Also, there is Wookiee hair embedded in the clay walls throughout the hut. I'm trying to ignore it, but it does make me gag now and then. Luke loves the hair, and has been hanging his toys from the longer strands. 

I miss Beru. She sent me one coded message from Takodana. It said only that she made it there safely and her sister was taking good care of her. I feel like a total heel for sending my pregnant girlfriend off to another world to have our baby, but I did make a promise to that little green bastard to keep Luke safe on Tatooine until further notice. 

Love sucks. Sand sucks. Being a Jedi in this day and age sucks. But enough of my pity party...

So we've stayed away from Mos Eisley and Mos Espa, in order to avoid the bounty hunters and the ever growing Imperial presence. Now we travel twice as far, and in the opposite direction, into the Western Dune Sea, to a city called Mos Deff, to pick up supplies. 

Chewie, Luke and I were at the local space hardware store in Mos Deff, where we were picking out some wood to finish construction on the massive entryway to my hut. Chewie, of course, made the doorframe way too high, so we needed a few more meters of wood. I swear the hairball did it on purpose just so he wouldn't have to bend down to get into the hut. It's not my fault Kashyyyk grows them so friggin tall!

As Chewie and I picked out the needed supplies, and Luke ran through the store like a rabid Tusken on fire, I noticed a boy, maybe thirteen or fourteen, with dark hair, stealing quick glances at us. I didn't think much of it, because it was most likely that he had never seen a Wookiee before. It wasn't until he snuck right up on us and I heard the sound of a laser knife switching on, that I understood this kid was trouble. 

The teenager gracefully sliced the strap to Chewie's bag and slipped it right off of him. When Chewie spun around the kid held up the bag mockingly and stated, "Thanks, Fluffy." Then made a run for it. 

Luke was the first one in pursuit, screaming, "No kid! Give that back to my friend!"

We all chased the kid out of the shop and across the street. A sandstorm was just beginning to move through town. We followed the kid into a building that appeared abandoned, and found him sitting crossed legged on the floor in an empty room, with Chewbacca's bag in front of him. 

"Hey jerk, give that back!" Luke berated him, as Chewie picked Luke up and placed him into the back sling for safety. 

"You've got balls kid, I'll give you that much. But you don't know who you're messing with," I informed the little thief. 

He smirked and stated, "Don't get cocky, old man. You don't know the endgame." He stood up and tossed Chewie's bag back to him. "Here ya go, Fluffy. You shouldn't make it so easy next time."

"You're a bad boy!" Luke yelled. 

"I'm not bad, kid." He flashed a charismatic smile that seemed far beyond his years. "I just go to where the money is. Isn't that right, gentlemen?" 

A sack of coins flew through the air and landed at the boy's feet. Glancing around, I saw that each doorway was blocked with a bounty hunter. There was Greedo, and Bossk, and some weird looking dude who appeared to have a baby diaper on his head. There was no sign of Boba Fett, or the ever elusive Kilgore. 

The lizard man was the first to speak, "Bossk sssaysss put down your weaponsss. You guysss are ssscrewed."

I stalled, attempting to buy some time. "So, is this Mr. Diaper-head your boss Kilgore?"

Greedo laughed, "You really are a fool, Kenobi!"

Baby diaper guy had some hideous scars peeking through the wrapping. Then he spoke, "I am Dengar, and it would be wise not to upset me."

Luke, noticing Dengar's face yelled out, "Were you burned by acid, or something?"

"Silence that boy," Dengar commanded, "or I shall disintegrate him."

I whispered to our young thief, "You know you're fighting for the wrong side."

"Is that a fact?" he stated confidently. "I fight for the side that pays."

"You of course realize that they're going to kill us all and take back your precious coins?" I used the slightest Force persuasion as I spoke. 

"You think so, old man?" He sounded slightly concerned. 

"Bossk sssaysss sssilence!"

In the blink of an eye Chewie reached into his bag and tossed the young thief a DL-44 blaster. 

"Wow!" was all the boy said as he handled the weapon.

"Attention, bounty hunting scum," I spoke in my best authoritative voice, "we refuse to cooperate any further until we meet with your leader, Kilgore."

There was a silence that was finally broken by Dengar, "As you wish."

After what seemed like an eternity, a low rumbling sound engulfed the room. Dust began to fall all around us, and suddenly the ceiling cracked open. Above us, a jagged circle hovered up and out of the building, and the sandstorm poured in from the newly formed gap in the roof. 

I sensed an evil presence, one I have not felt since I faced Anakin on Mustafar. In a flash there was a silhouette standing on the roof looking down on us. With the sand swirling around and the night sky filled with lightening, I could not make out any of his features, but I knew he was Sith. I also realized that I somehow knew this man. My mind raced with possibilities. Had Vader finally found me? Did Maul track me down to put an end to me? This person who referred to himself as Kilgore took a deep mechanical breath, which meant he either couldn't survive in this atmosphere, or he was in a life-suit. 

Without warning, or a word from Kilgore, he did a forward flip down through the hole in the roof. As he spun in the air I heard his lightsaber ignite, so I followed suit. When he landed on his feet our sabers clashed and we stood face to face, deadlocked. 

To my utter surprise his saber wasn't red, but a bright shade of purple.


End file.
